How Much is that Doggie in the Window?!

From Puppy Mill to Home Life – Cocoa’s Story

My husband and I searched for a puppy through the various windows of our computer not unlike “window shopping.” When we saw Cocoa’s picture we instantly fell in love. We got in the car and crossed state lines to meet this little guy. We brought “Cocoa Beanie Baby” home the same day. Little did we know Cocoa came with baggage- the mental kind!  Cocoa was soon going to give us and education about the aftermath of the puppy mill industry. Not only was Cocoa going to cost us financially, but would also demand the sacrificial cost of love.

Cocoa’s story starts out like any other puppy that is born except he was not held enough, loved enough, and did not receive the initial stimulus he needed to adapt to home life. He was kept in a cage outside and was subject to the elements and wild things. He was unable to control his environment or change his surroundings such as needing shelter during storms. The first year of his life he missed out on the proper human imprinting so critically needed during initial developmental periods.

We came to learn that Cocoa was sold early in his life and shipped off to a pet store. Understand that being stuffed in a crate like merchandise and shoved in various vehicles is an extremely stressful process for puppies. The store that bought Cocoa returned him to the puppy mill due to minor physical defect which was resolved by neutering. Once again he was shipped back to the mill where he remained caged for eight months. I can’t even imagine how disappointed he must have been to be given hope of a new life just to be rejected and put back into captivity. He was treated like livestock and drank from a bunny bottle. Dogs are not livestock; they are not like cows, sheep, or even bunnies. Dogs are unique companionship animals that have similar needs to human babies.

When we got Cocoa home I noticed aggression, anxiety, and overall mental craziness for fear of shadows, blankets, and flies. Unlike normal puppies, he didn’t know how to jump up or down. When he ran, he ran in short straight lines which coincidently were the measurements of the “puppy run” he occasionally enjoyed while at the mill. Cocoa had difficulty with mouth orientation because he was not familiar to drinking from a bowl. He also missed crucial play time in the early stages of development where puppies learn to distinguish between a nibble and a bite. Initially Cocoa would only play with rocks and leaves which he picked out. I soon realized that I had a big problem on my hands. I knew how to train dogs and give them purpose, but how was I going to give psychotherapy to a dog? Our peaceful loving home was now in major disruption due to his behaviors.

Early on, when I approached three different canine professionals, they all said that I should give up on Cocoa and that he was unable to be rehabilitated. I was appalled by the thought. Love knows no boundaries and I loved him- I wasn’t about to give up on him. I understood what it was like to go through trauma in my own life so I thought of various creative ways to communicate healing to my dog. Cocoa is a very intelligent canine and there was no reason why he couldn’t overcome his issues. So I went to work and left those three “professionals” to mind their own business. Here are a five examples of things I put into place for Cocoa’s rehabilitation.

1. Have A Plan: The plan of action was to establish consistency, trust, and training in the home. Having a structured disciplined home life was essential to my success. Cocoa could predict by my words and actions and know what to expect. Over time this gave him the confidence to not be fearful and to trust me. I never broke his trust by being inconsistent in my behavior or rules. Never give up on the plan. It took me three years of focused planning to rehabilitate Cocoa, but in the end it was worth the effort. To this day I remember the moment Cocoa realized he could run in any direction his little heart desired. That moment was a victory all its own and had I not continued the journey with him I never would have seen such amazing progress. That moment alone was a powerful display of freedom which I will always cherish.
2. Have Consistent Procedures of Discipline: In keeping with the policy of building bonds of trust, I was very careful to not do anything that he personally interpreted as threatening. At the same time I was firm about obedience training rituals and rules of living in the house. I never struck him to punish. Instead I used the “time out” method which worked because he did not like being separated from me. Separation is a natural punishment procedure which dogs use to show displeasure with another dog in the pack.
3. Communicate Love: Trying to find ways to communicate love and comfort to a puppy that has no concept of such things was the most difficult process for me. I wanted to cuddle with him and kiss him on his forehead and he simply did not comprehend these endearments. He had similar behavioral issues with other dogs such as not being able to submit properly or play without feeling threatened. I was able to resolve this issue through what I called “loving exercises” consisting of verbal cues and a kind of sign language. For example, rubbing a dogs belly is a common sign of submission and reception of loving communication. To rub Cocoa’s tummy I had to use verbal cues so that he understood what I was going to do first. Then I showed him my open hand as a sign that went along with my verbal cue. I gave him the command, “lay down,” which he learned first. From the lay down position I was able to gently place my hand on his belly and reward him with a treat for letting me do so. I continued these loving exercises until one day (I will remember that day for the rest of my life) he let love into his heart and responded to the therapy with his whole heart.
4. Reorient The Mouth: One of the biggest problems Cocoa had was going from a calm dog to a biting dog. He gave no warnings and no visual clues as to his dislike or fear of something. I had to find a way to teach him that there should be a progression of various clues given before biting. Such as, a dog usually will growl or show teeth as warning signs to back off before lunging in for the bite. I struggled to find a way to teach him these signs of progression. The idea came to me to teach him a game in which he would learn these progressions. The game was called keep away and consisted of a small ball which he hid in his paws. He had something that he did not want to give up and I had to get it from him. This exercise is completely different from trading a treat for something a dog has in his mouth. In this game I used hand placement to example to him my own varying degrees and attempts to get the ball. By my own examples of variation he began to learn some of his own variations. When he was over stimulated and considered biting I disrupted his thought process with the command, “calm down,” which he previously learned. It wasn’t long before he connected the dots and stopped biting suddenly.
5. Safeguard from Further Trauma: It was during a very busy Passover that I had sent Cocoa for the second time to the groomer. There was no time for me to groom him because I was preparing the meal and home for guests. Later in the day my husband picked up Cocoa from the groomer and brought him home. I was in the bedroom when I heard this little whimper outside my door and when I opened it I saw my pup had a swollen bloody eye and had reverted back into his old shell. I examined him immediately and found pop marks on his head. We rushed Cocoa to the vet. The vet said that Cocoa had either been hit or strangled or both. The story the groomer told us was not comforting as they had left him on the table noose and he had nearly strangled himself. Groomers should NEVER leave a dog unattended while noosed to the grooming table! The physical wounds healed, but I lost months of rehab due to that traumatic incident. Know that trauma can come at any time and from any one and to do everything humanly possible to avert situations where your dog would be subject to further trauma.

Cocoa’s story is not unlike many of us who have gone through extremely difficult times in our lives. We may have been captive to our circumstances and surroundings so much so that it became familiar to us. If we are familiar with living from crisis to crisis, for example, when peace comes along we feel like something is wrong. If we have become familiar with being a victim of neglect or abuse we may not recognize then true love comes along. As a minister I have had to opportunity to counsel people. I tell them that they must come to a point where they recognize that familiar spirit of crisis and desire to embrace a spirit of peace instead. Furthermore, healing is a process and a journey which requires effort. One does not suddenly wake up one day healed from emotional scaring. One must become purposeful in utilizing the proper skills to defeat unproductive ways of dealing with hardship and adopt productive habits. There are times when the abused or neglected want to revert, like Cocoa, into little shells. Others respond to fear by lashing out and harming others. No matter what the issue is I am a firm believer that sacrificial love is the starting point and the result of all healing.

In conclusion, Cocoa is a loving companion to us and our other dog, Princess. He learned everything he needed to learn about living with humans and other dogs despite the antagonistic curses of three professional trainers. All though he will never be as loving and a free as Princess, who did not come from a puppy mill, Cocoa is fully rehabilitated. The past is long gone in comparison to his new life. I never regret getting Cocoa or going through the challenges of the journey with him- in fact, it is an honor. Being in a loving, peaceful, healthy environment is the best therapy for any trauma victim.  So if anyone asks me, “How much is that doggie in the window?” I will say without any hesitation, “priceless.”

 

 

© 2014 Wendy Campbell – All Rights Reserved.

Helpful Articles

http://www.doglistener.co.uk/puppies/criticalperiods.shtml

http://www.thebalancedcanine.com/how-handle-fear-fear-aggression-dogs

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/pets/Study-confirms-puppy-mills-leave-long-term-scars-on-dogs.html

http://www.nowisconsinpuppymills.com/victoria-stilwell-article.html

Children & Food Allergies: A Strategy for Success

Dealing with a food allergy is not as simple as putting on an apron and getting busy in the kitchen or eliminating the offending food from the diet. In fact, a child will not always have the supervision of Mom or Dad and the home kitchen is not always within arm’s reach. Places like school, for example, need to be a safe place for your child to grow and thrive, yet too often schools and teachers are lacking. Generally, a school may be knowledgeable about allergies that involve the use of the EpiPen and not so informed on the allergies or intolerances that just make a child complain of a tummy ache. A parent needs to keep in communication with the school, making sure the teacher and nurse know what symptoms to look for in the event that your child gets sick.

Think back to your school years and you might remember a particular subject or room that only held bad memories. Most probably these memories are related to a teacher or a bully. For children with food allergies, the lunchroom is one of the worst places in school. Listen as Kari retells what happened to her one afternoon, which wasn’t an isolated experience: “At the lunch counter I got this special desert that I could have and I was really happy about it. While I was about to sit at my table a boy said that my desert was disgusting and flipped my tray over. My clothes were ruined and all the kids around me were laughing. I felt humiliated and ashamed. I just wanted to die. When I told a teacher about it she said that it must have been an accident. When I asked for more food, I was given something I couldn’t eat.” The story continues as this child was also hypoglycemic and because she did not eat lunch that day she got very sick and even more depressed.

Many schools have an anti-bullying policy; however it is difficult to enforce. Furthermore, if a child is already alienated from other classmates it makes it even harder for the child to use the most common anti-bullying skills to stop the harassment. Traumatizing situations can create damage psychologically to a child just as badly as the allergy can do damage physically. Children with food allergies often are given shame instead of confidence and pushed away instead of being embraced. The simple truth is that some children and adults are harshly critical of things they do not understand. It is up to parents, educators, and legislatures to put programs in place to help children, adults, and establishments gain the proper perspective.

The first offering of advice is to be proactive when it comes to the mental health and life skills of your child. Understand that your child will probably be bullied at some point by other children. Having a food allergy makes your child a target for unpleasant social situations. Plan ahead and give them the skills to deal with bullying and ask them often how they are feeling. Children can become overwhelmed by hardships, stigmas, and cruel comments, which can lead to depression and in extreme cases suicide. Consider counseling to help the child learn more skills on how to live with a food allergy.

The Menu: All schools have a lunch menu and ingredient list which can be very helpful in helping your child make the right choices.

The School Party: if there is a school party and you know that there will be food involved, then plan ahead to have the child bring a tasty treat they can eat and make is so deliciously appetizing that the other children just couldn’t refuse to try it. Not only will this help the child with the food allergy not feel left out, but also validated.

To Tell or Not To Tell: Let your child know that while in some cases they might need to tell an adult of their food allergy, they do not have to tell their friends if they are not comfortable sharing. There are many ways to politely avoid certain foods like, “No thank you, I’m on a special diet.”

When I Grow Up: Share with the child celebrities who also have the same allergy. The success of a celebrity will allow the child to realize that they can also be successful. A food allergy does not have to get in the way of their dreams and aspirations.

Favorite Things: Train the child to focus on what they can have instead of what they can’t. This exercise can be a song or a game. For example, have the child name five of their favorite things that they can eat and make a little song about it. Whenever they feel sad or deprived they can sing the song to themselves. Here’s a little song I made up with one of my relatives:Flavored water and popcorn ~ Special ice cream and fries / I’m so happy I was born ~ And my food keeps me alive / There’s no telling what I can do ~ So there’s no reason to boo hoo hoo.

Instruction Manual: A cute fun way to explain doctor visits is that when we are born the instruction manual telling us what foods we can and cannot eat is missing! We have to take tests and try things out in order to discover this information. Once we know though, we will feel much better. This might lead to more curious questions, all in the name of fun. Explaining that this world is diverse and just like different animals eat certain things so do people. Cats are allergic to milk and dogs can’t eat chocolate. Horses don’t eat spaghetti and lions don’t eat bananas. Adding fun memories for the child to associate, along with the unpleasant memories that naturally occur, can help the child balance out the overall experience.

What’s The Plan: Taking time out of busy schedules to plan ahead is completely necessary. Time must be scheduled for this task. When eating out prepare your child ahead of time and get them excited about the choices they do have. At the dinner table plan a special treat just for the child with the allergy. At the grocery store seek alternatives to favorite foods.

On The Roof Top: Make sure everyone in the family is on the same page- you don’t want well intentioned siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or others sneaking “treats” to your child. Family members outside your home may not understand what you are dealing with and they may even think you are just being over protective. Regardless of what they think, they should respect your instructions. If your child has a rare intolerance or allergy to a common item like sugar, for example, stay alert! Make sure that everyone that cares for your child (Sunday school, mom’s day out volunteers, music teachers, camp counselors, etc) are properly advised every time you leave your child. Request to see the snacks that will be offered so you can view the ingredient list. Don’t worry about offending anyone- you have the right to protect your child from harm. Find ways to be pleasant and not rude when requesting information because you need the people who are taking care of your child to be on your team.

Pass The Pacifier Please: If your child is an infant or toddler you know how quickly they put things in their mouth. Watch out for snacks other mom’s pullout of their diaper bags for their children. If it is something your child can’t have, explain the situation. It is a good idea to come up with a short 30 second “elevator speech” of the very most important information you need to explain about your child’s food allergy. Not everyone is interested in listening to a long, detailed, on-the-spot education about food allergies. If a mom asks for more information and a discussion begins, certainly share more, but just keep in mind that the most important goal is to just keep your child safe. Good mommy friends will put any offending food away or keep it away from your child.

Every parent has a ton of things on their plate to deal with, much less the plate at the table. Yet, keep in mind that everyone has something to deal with and ignoring the issue will only make matters worse. Proper planning is at the heart of living with a food allergy. Without a good plan, food allergies can be a source of frustration and pain. Yet, with determination, food allergies can be turned into a fun cook-it-yourself lifestyle and an opportunity to gain good communication skills. We all face challenges in life. One of the hardest tests for a child with a food allergy doesn’t come with a number two pencil, but a spoon. There’s no cheating worthwhile and no getting out of it and getting an A+ is vital. So let’s all work together as a community to ensure success.

© 2011 Wendy Campbell – All Rights Reserved.